Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
