I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
