im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
