Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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