is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
