your parents love me but you hate me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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