I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
