i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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