some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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