We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
