woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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