I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
