well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
