I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
