Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
