my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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