I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
