So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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