So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
