Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
