I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
