my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
