I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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