So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
