Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
