The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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