I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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