You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
