Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
