A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
