After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
