Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
