Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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