You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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