Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
