This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
