There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
