Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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