My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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