Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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