I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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