The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
