Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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