Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
