I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
