I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
