I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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