i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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