operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
