I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
