I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
